I’m now fully convinced the yearly ritual of making goals over New Year's is worth the time. There is something to say about reflecting on the previous year and aiming for higher goals. For example, Justin and I were able to take 2 weeks off from meetings, language lessons, and other appointments to renew our focus on the upcoming year while spending irreplaceable family time together. We spent most of that time sick, but some very wonderful changes in my life were sparked. Looking back on 2008 I realized that having a baby is in-fact a life-altering event. Imagine that! What I didn’t expect was who I had become when life squeezed me like a lemon. “Flesh Woman” had taken over! Maybe it’s better explained to say I found out who I really was without Jesus. It’s amazing how stress can peel back those layers of your inner heart to show you the mess that still waits for some cleaning action from Mr. Clean (aka: Jesus). It should have been obvious that I wasn’t feeding myself enough spiritually. Well, maybe it was obvious to Justin who got a daily flogging from Flesh Woman. Without Jesus working in my life I realized I’m complainer, discontent, moody, testy, bad tempered, horrible mouthed woman. Wow, that is not what I had in mind for my life or the legacy I want to leave behind to my children. I can just imagine Elianna talking about me during my funeral and having a hard time trying to find something nice to say. Praise God we have a Savior; someone who can save us from ourselves. When Paul talks about our flesh in Philippians he wrote: “For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh…” Phil 3:3. Those words are life to me now because I know what my fleshly heart looks like and I put NO confidence in what I can do by myself. I need Jesus in my heart leading me, guiding me-especially in motherhood. Left to myself I would make a mess out of everything. 2008 was a tough year, but it was the best lesson I ever learned: “(I) know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” Romans 7:17-19. So what do I hope to change in 2009? Everything!
Since I’m really visual when it comes to learning I bought a large white board to put my lifetime and yearly goals on that includes monthly scripture I want to memorize in English and Arabic. Just to remind me what my sinful nature looks like I wrote all the things I struggle with on one side and all the things I hope to be in my lifetime on the other. Those include being content, faithful, loving, compassionate, a good listener, servant-hearted, gracious, etc. Then Justin and I created a family theme for the year, “Time with Jesus”, that I wrote on the top of the board. I tried to keep my yearly goals really simple, so I wouldn’t forget with my “baby brain” and so I would actually get them done in a year (hopefully). Here are a few:
1. Daily time with Jesus by using the The-One-Year Bible I borrowed from a friend
2. Read “Dare to Discipline” by Dobson
3. Memorize a scripture every month in English and Arabic
4. Memorize the sacrifice synopsis to use in evangelism
5. Lose 40 pounds and get pregnant again (some of them are lofty)
6. Be a good wife, mom, and a good friend
The list could go on and on with all the things I want to do, but these are the most important to me and what I think can actually be do-able living in Africa and having a small child. Gotta start somewhere right?
So keep me accountable friends. I have a lot of work to do!
